@HeatherTDay | 11,106 followers
When I was 19 my boss said I should be a phone sex operator & laughed.

I said “I don’t get it”

He said “it’s a joke”

I said “explain it to me”

& that’s how I learned that once sexual harrassers have to explain why their inappropriate jokes are funny, they stop laughing.

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「私が19歳のとき、上司(45)から「君はテレフォンセックスオペレーターになったら(笑)」と言われた。

私「意味がわかりません」
上司「冗談だよ(笑)」
私「説明してもらえます?」

その時に学んだ。セクハラジョークを言う人に何が面白いのか説明するように言うと、彼らは笑うのをやめるってこと」
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
It was my boss at a radio station. He was probably 45. I was 19. 😖
 
このスレ、リプ欄も含めてすばらしい。

19歳の時、上司にテレフォンセックスのオペレーターになりなよと言われた。「意味がわかりません」と言うと「冗談だよ」と言うので「わからないので説明してください」と返した。

ハラスメントをする側は「冗談」を説明する立場に置かれると笑わなくなる。
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Out with family when I was 13 and getting ice cream a friend of my uncle says “You can tell a lot about a girl by how she eats ice cream.” I, genuinely not knowing what he was talking about, said “Like what?” He didn’t expect to be questioned. I kept pressing. He never answered.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Pro tip: this also works on race "jokes"
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I am so sorry you experienced this horrible situation! Reminds me of a quote from @davewillis, “A boy who is raised to believe that porn is harmless fun will often grow into a man who believes that using women is harmless fun. From the book *-Raising Boys Who Respect Girls*
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
So many women sharing stories!! My ministry is serving WOMEN and college students. Latest book link here: amazon.com/Confessions-Ch…
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Excellent. I was around 19 when a boss said something over the top and I replied with “I’m going to put that in my log” and he said “what log?” And I said “my harassment log. I write it all down”. And then it all just sort of stopped and I found out he didn’t sleep for 3 days 😂
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 14, people were getting into Facebook.. I made a profile pic to what I thought looked really cute, just a shoulders & up pic.. My uncle sent me a PM saying "You look really sexy, you should post more pictures ;)" Creeped out, I deleted it and never told anyone.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
An umpire at our local ballpark knew me because my dad coached and brothers played. When I was 13 he messaged me on myspace and told me he’d like to date me. He was atleast 30. I told my mom and she drove to his house with it printed out and threatened to kill him
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
This is a tactic more men (myself included) should use when one of the "bros" makes a comment that we find uncomfortable but aren't sure how to call out. Maybe more guys will get the picture that it isn't cool.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
That’s an excellent response. I first heard about it as a feedback mechanism when facilitating an inclusion workshop.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Eww. What, and I say this as a man, is wrong with men?
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Finally found something men don't want to explain to women.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I had this happen with someone that thought it was cute to talk about 'coons. Once my "confusion" about racoons annoyed him, he finally dropped the N word, I gave my standard reply: You remind me of my grandfather. He liked to use that word, and he also like to rape little girls.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Yesterday my coworker, who is 50 and married w kids, knows I’m Jewish, said “I dated a crazy Jewish girl in college” And laughed. I replied “why does that make her crazy” and suddenly he couldn’t speak anymore
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I did the same thing to a guy who harassed me on a train. He said some rather disgusting things and I looked him dead in the eyes and said "tell me how you think that's an appropriate thing to say. Explain it to me" he was not happy and got real quiet so I could leave.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 19 my boss constantly made gross comments to me. In front of his wife sometimes too. She wouldn't say anything but she looked uncomfortable too. Like one day I wore a ribbon in my hair and he said "I bet you were a sexy cheerleader in HS werent you?" He was 40
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I've found that when they say, "it was a joke" they mean that they were called out on their sexist comment and don't know what to do.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
A CLIENT told me I have a stripper name. Sarah. I didn’t laugh and looked intentionally puzzled.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 22, small office with dogs. All 40 staffers are tabled at a meeting. Partner looks at his dog and says "Cleo, is Jay wearing any underwear under that skirt?"
 
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I do this with kids and teens at camp!! Whenever I overhear them going 'haha that's gay' or whatever I always just interrupt and ask why that's funny. They try and brush it off but I say no, I really want to get the joke, and I insist they explain.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I tried this tactic on a boomer with his mentality of "I dont like it so everyone else shouldnt do it." I asked him to explain why it mattered that someone else did something that didnt affect him....he couldnt, so he threw his bag at me and walked out (I'm a cashier)
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I've had several coworkers over the years say, "you know how THOSE people are..." expecting me to agree. So I always say, "no, how ARE they?" Please, explain your racism/bigotry/prejudice to all of us.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
You were some kinda capable 19 yo, Heather. Good for you. It's fun to read this story about an older lech getting exposed by someone he hit in. It's not so fun reading about the trash young (and all) women have to deal with
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I've known a couple of operators, they were good ladies just trying to make ends meet.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I do that all the time when folks at work tell their casually racist jokes. I always ask what the punchline is and they stumble. It's such a great move. I'll expand it to these types of comments now too.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
True story: I was a 19 year-old private in the military (Canadian) when one of the civilian employees where I worked (all men except me) put up a Playboy calendar. I went and bought a Playgirl calendar & huge it next to his. He tried to take it down, our boss said if hers comes
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was 17 and my supervisor (30) randomly out-of-the-blue asked me if I ever shower with my boyfriend. Still to this day, I don't know if it was sexual harassment, but the question made me feel uncomfortable and icky.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
“Oh, do I sound like someone you’ve talked to?” 😇
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
when i was 15 and working in a grocery store my female manager nicknamed me “jailbait” i didn’t realize how entirely inappropriate that was until much much later in life
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
...and now I'm remembering getting a file out of a lower drawer at work when I was 16, and having a male (in his 40s or 50s) co-worker come in and go, "While you're down there..." Ha. Ha. Ha. -_-
 
(訳)
19歳のとき、上司に「電話セックス交換手になれ」と言われた

私「意味わかりません」

上司「冗談だよ」

私「説明してください」

不適当な冗談の何がおかしいのか説明させると、セクハラしてくる奴は笑うのを止める
 
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 17 I had a coworker in his 40s say “I’ve been horny all day” and “why haven’t you done anything about it?” I’ve also been groped by coworkers multiple times. Teach men in the work place not to harass young girls
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
How great that you knew to say this at 19. I wouldn’t have. It’s a perfect comeback.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I wish I’d had your quick-wit and self-possession as an 18 y/o RN, BSN. My 3rd day on the job, the head/top cardiologist walked in and smacked/grabbed my rear. This was in a packed Trauma ER. I just slapped his face (hard.) I was disciplined by the CEO over it.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
An older flirtatious man who worked with me asked me where I was when he was 17 & in high school (wink, wink)...I smiled and replied "First grade"...Things were all business after that...
 
I had a dad who folded laundry & did dishes.

My husband interrupts men who think misogyny is normal guy talk.

I’ve had men go out of their way to provide me w/ opportunities that changed my career.

That said: READ THE COMMENTS IN THIS THREAD & TELL ME WE DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 17 I was working reception at a law office, one of the 76 year old MARRIED lawyers had just got back from vacation at the bahamas and I said "wow I would love to be at the beach right now!" And he said "get naked and I'll throw sand on you" I was revolted
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I wish i could think that fast, thanks for sharing this! *** I'm taking notes
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was working in a bar when a customer told his buddies a “joke” about having sex with a child. Interjecting very loudly to ask what exactly was funny about pedophilia made it pretty uncomfortable. I truly hope the entire bar heard our exchange.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 19, my female boss called me in to be interviewed by her boss a LTC in the US Army about a rumor that got to him about me sleeping with a middle manager with a rep for as a "dirty old man" in exchange for a promotion. When I laughed out loud and ...
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 18/19 my welding instructor called me into the office because I was “in trouble” and told me the only way I could leave was if I gave him a kiss on the cheek that weren’t the only inappropriate encounter he was like 50 something ..
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 19, my boss (50) was a former Asst DA in Westchester County. He asked if I'd "stayed inside having sex" because I wasn't tan after a vacay at the beach. He was stunned to silence when I calmly replied "I'm sure a lawyer like you knows all the many ways that's not ok"
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I did this at a previous job when a white male colleague with an Asian fetish tried to joke-insult me by saying I looked like a lesbian. So I acted confused then started with - "You mean, cos I wear pants?" and it went rapidly downhill for him after that.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 23 working as a flight attendant, the captain, a 20+ year veteran of the airline, introduced himself to me with the joke: 'why is a blond's nose always leaking? because she's full.'
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Recently, a male customer made a sex joke while I was ringing his test booster at the register but, I didn't comment at all about it. There was silence and he mumbled 'It was a joke; I was trying to make you flustered or something,' as to try to 'fix' the situation.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
In a job interview with a law firm a senior partner remarked that one of their female attorneys had gone to the Virgin Islands. “To get recycled.” I truly didn’t get it and said so. As he became uncomfortable I realized what he meant, and I was happy to have made him squirm.
 
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was 17 or so when a male coworker commented how much he was enjoying watching me eat my icecream. He was about 55. We were at an event . He was sat beside me...I couldn't get away. It was terrifying.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
On halloween of this year, one of my male coworkers looked at me in costume (dressed as the joker) and said that he was "more attracted to me like that" and proceeded to explain that he was "dressed up as a serial rapist" and winked at me. When I said "not funny" he said
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Once had my boss asked me if i cut my hair (went from long hair to veryyyy short hair) because I was gay and I said “I’m not sure how my hairstyle would make me gay” and he got very awkward
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
My first internship was in a very professional company. We learned direct questions quickly stop inappropriate workplace comments. Direct eye contact: 1) I don't understand -- explain it to me. 2) Help me to understand -- repeat it. 3) Can you provide an example? It works.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was 19 and I kept getting calls in my dorm phone of some dude masturbating at me. I talked to campus security and the officer taking my statement said that maybe it was a guy in 1 of my classes who just wanted to know me better. I told him that would just get him a broken nose.
 
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was fired from a job I had a couple months ago for bringing up my issues with the company, as I was leaving my boss (40) stopped me (19) and asked if we “had a connection”. After firing me. With his wife and kids in the building. His daughter being 16. 🤮
 
36.1万いいねとかすごいな…セクハラ反対ツイートがこんなに向こうではバズるのか
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
i can’t wait to do this. “explain it to me” pic.twitter.com/lBUWLvCwTf
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was 13--in 8th grade on a school trip--when some 40-ish man bought me a drink because "he could tell what I was like." My male teacher jumped all over him. My favorite teacher to this day.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
As a teen I didn't stop to think, to ask, I simply reacted. I poured a pitcher of ice water in a Hotel Manager's crotch, in retaliation for his inappropriate behavior. I almost bit a man's finger off on subway in Montreal. His hand was under my dress. Have more stories like this.
 
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Yes! That has been my goto for years. The down side of it is that they remember and hold back raises.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Was lifeguarding in college and had to watch the water while construction workers built a filming tower in the water. Kept pestering me about “mouth to mouth” and I kept answering with questions straight from the book.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I'm female have two kids married once when i was about 16 older guy came up behind me put his arms round me grabbed his finger twisted it till he was one his knees screaming must admit a was scared to let go incase he belted me one. No escuse when anyone does these things.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
A client 20+ years my senior told me I should open up a massage parlour for middle aged men whilst I washed his hair. I politely asked if he'd ever heard the tale of Sweeney Todd, and reminded him who was about to be holding the incredibly sharp scissors.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was like ten or 11 something, we went to the capital on a train, me and my sis sat at a different section and this middle age guy who sat across us, showed me his thing.... You see ....I was a loud kid. I kinda loudly asked him where his underwear was.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I had the same happen to me except it was a SUPER racist joke, old guy at work told it to me and says "That's funny innit it?" I said "No, that was extremely racist" he stopped laughing and just looked a little lost. I guess no one had ever called him out on it before. 🤷🏻‍♀️
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Legit the other day some guy from my class said I should take tips from Belle Delphine and how she videos herself bathing and bottling up her bath water coz that can be how I make money some day. Like?!? Tf!?!
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I used to revert to the “nice girl” say nothing, but now that I’m older, I confront bc I want to speed things up for the next generation pic.twitter.com/ZsPNuxykFr
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I’m 82, in my day if I said something like that to my boss I would have been fired. You were just suppose to smile and keep working. I’m glad things have changed somewhere but I fear not everywhere.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was once told that I should serve tea topless wearing an apron. As I was really skinny and very flat chested at the time, I pointed out that it would be largely pointless as all he would see would be a rib cage and a fine pair of nipples. He never spoke to me again 😂😂
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Heather, you were my councilor at FLAG Camp years ago. I’m crying reading your story. I too have stories of harassment & assault. I was assaulted at 16 by a cop with a gun. I’m a barista now trying to pay off student loans before grad school and men say creepy thing all the time.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
My dad taught me to do this if someone tried a racist joke
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 18,I worked at @Wendys I brought clothes to change into after my shift bc I was going to a Christmas Eve party and my manager said I looked like a hooker and asked me which club I was going to
 
A los 19 años mi jefe me dijo riéndose que debería trabajar en un teléfono erótico.
Le dije: No lo cojo.
Él dijo: Es un chiste.
Le dije: Explícamelo.
Y así aprendí que los acosadores sexuales, al tener que explicar lo graciosos que son sus inapropiados chistes, paran de reír.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Works on any inappropriate joke, I do this well. And I always love the premium embarrassing look on their face, tueh
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
One time a guy told me I should become a porn star. Since I'm a 14 year old I still don't know why he thought he should tell me that. I asked him why he said that and he quickly dodged the question.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 15 my mom's (v conservative) boss told me a particularly difficult customer 'just needed a big black d*ck in her'. I asked him if he had a lot of experience with that. He went white, stuttered a laugh and screached 'no, noo!'
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Also, power to phone sex operators! They (I--since I do offer phone sex as well) deserve respect too!
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was probably around 15? and my old stepdad sent me a text asking if i wanted to earn some extra money and he told me to come home and said if i say yes I'm not allowed to back out of it and i wasn't allowed to tell my mom. I obv told my mom and he said i only had to was his car
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
fyi, this also works with racist 'jokes'. Once people have to explain their stupid and/or inappropriate comments they start shuffling
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
This would work if men werent bold enough to just tell you that they think making you a sex object against your will is funny but unfortunately
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 19 my boss said he'd need a gun to have sex with me. I filed charges the next day. It was a family run business and they talked me out of going forward but it was worth the look of absolute fear on his face when he got the subpoena. I quit the week after.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was 12 in a Bodega and dude behind the counter saw my top which had "58" on it asked me, "is that how may men you been with?" He laughed. I didn't. I was stunned and disgusted. I left and got my mom. She stormed in and demanded to know what was so funny? He stopped laughing.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I wish I would have learned this, instead of accepting that men were just this way when I was younger.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
Also, whenever asked, "You aren't easily offended, are you?" always answer, "Yes."
 
Isso acaba servindo pra todas as piadas inapropriadas, não só de assédio sexual. No momento que é explicado o motivo da piada ser engraçada, automaticamente entende-se porque ela é errada
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
19 & at my 1st posting (military). Was asked "do the drapes match the curtains." Was way over my head but I caught on as the years went by. I started to act out by roasting them back but by the time I released at 26 years old I was livid watching it happen to the new 19 yr olds.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
when i was like 10 i posted a selfie on facebook and this man who literally had kids and a wife commented on it “you’re so sexy babe” my mom saw it and went off on him and blocked him 🥴
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
When I was 17, I was at a party with my dad for our community theater. A man from the theater (30-ish) complimented my dress and then said, in front of my dad, "what’s the age of consent in this state?" I asked "for what?" And my dad laughed so hard the guy walked away.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I was 14 or 15 when my Algebra teacher, upon finding out about my Dutch heritage, asked me if I had stuck my fingers in any dykes lately. I knew the folk story, but not yet the meaning of the word dyke. Jokes on him now though. 💅
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I love doing this when anyone says anything offensive. “What do you mean by that?” It’s a hit at thanksgiving.
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I work in a nursery, i heard the dad of a 10 month old we care for ask an inappropriate question to my colleague. I was mortified but others said 'that's just him' and i was confused. Why are we supposed to just let it be and leave things
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
My wife as a young teacher did the same thing with a principal, pretend not to get it. I've done same with "Did God create Adam and Steve?" (Steve who? Steve Jobs??)
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
My boss from my first job love to call me baby, and stalked me on social media..... And told me in my fave that he liked one of my friends....... I didn't knew any better it was my first job but then I was like "wait this isn't right"
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I‘m 19 and this is so scary. So glad look 14 and am not objectively pretty so gross people won’t do this to me
 
In reply to @HeatherTDay
I actually got told this too (and I don't work at a radio station). But the same woman said I should work for radio. I just awkwardly laugh whenever she says inappropriate things. But I should probably say something. I feel like a man will be laughed at for complaining.
 
a handy tip, this also works super well with racist jokes. If you pretend you don't get it until they have to explain, they're forced to realise that it's not just a laugh, it is, in fact, racism
 
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