@StephenKing | 7,128,759 followers
I had to take my biscuits to the doctor.
They felt crummy.

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Total of 205 replies and 28 quotes found
I genuinely love this man 馃枻
 
In reply to @StephenKing
The only thing better than dad jokes are Stephen King's dad jokes.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Hope it's not a yeast infection.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
My wife complained I don't buy her flowers. To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
50 years ago (or more) I hurt my Grandma鈥檚 feelings by telling her her cookies were crummy. She did accept my apology and explanation I meant crumbly, because she was a grandma. Who made the world鈥檚 greatest cookies.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Stand up comedy鈥檚 loss was horror鈥檚 gain.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
My biscuit isn鈥檛 crummy tho, Stephen. She鈥檚 a Sweetheart. pic.twitter.com/6PhAXidCPa
 
In reply to @StephenKing
A comedian you are not. Better stick to the scary stuff馃ぃ
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Get back to work book boy
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Stick to horror鈥 comedy ain鈥檛 your bag鈥
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
I laughed out loud at this as the notification floated across the top of my phone. I鈥檓 officially old at 50 馃槀馃槀馃槀
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Groan. You鈥檝e been hacked, right?
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Oh no! Hope they feel butter soon.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
I鈥檓 working on some cat 馃悊 biscuits 馃懇鈥嶐煃. Will save you some? pic.twitter.com/b8mFi0kLEF
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Stephen King Dad jokes Who knew馃槼 馃槀
 
In reply to @StephenKing
And that鈥檚 precisely why teddy bear biscuits don鈥檛 wear daisy dukes! Crummy legs. 馃 I think I just beat the story master!?
 
In reply to @StephenKing
They wouldn't feel so crummy if you'd buttered them up first .
 
In reply to @StephenKing
lol i didnt know you were so funny
 
In reply to @StephenKing
You running for Dad of the year? You must be in furst place now.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
SMH. Stick to novels.
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Spread lots of butter on 'em.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
am i allowed to say the greatest horror writer in the history of the planet tells the worst jokes ever written?
 
See, this is a bad joke but it鈥檚 also a good joke. Funny, humble and reaches deep into our need to be heard and to connect with other humans without crassly belittling anyone. It is slightly anti-biscuit but it鈥檚 fine. I鈥檓 giggling with him and it鈥檚 good.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
 
 
 
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Do you recommend your doctor for other crackers?
 
 
 
 
More of a digestive and Bourbon guy myself but I won't turn my nose up at a custard cream
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Doesn't give a shit about you
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
This your best Tweet this year. It makes me think you could be human.
 
 
 
馃ぃOkay, this one got me.
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
 
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
She was only the Welders daughter.. but she had acetylene thighs
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Aw man you listened to that guy who said stick to dad jokes.
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Don鈥檛 give up your day job. Please.
 
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Oh God Dad jokes on a Monday morning
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Don't leave a trail!
 
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
馃挌馃幎馃敟馃挋鉂わ笍With all of Kanye West鈥檚 antics don鈥檛 you think it鈥檚 time to hear something refreshing, truthful, dope that鈥檚 really likeable with a bangin head nodding like crazy track? I want you to listen and share this bouncin track which is right here - distrokid.com/hyperfollow/th鈥
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Am I the only one bothered that you didn鈥檛 go with the written 鈥渃rumby鈥 ?
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Nnnnnoooooooooooooo
 
In reply to @StephenKing
I thought you were better than that. 馃槶
 
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Same with John. He looked a bit flushed.
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
Ladies and gentlemen:

The great-great-grandad joke.
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
 
Hardest thing ever said on this app
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Puns must be contagious
 
Award winning author has diminished to old dad jokes.
This is much better than his political views. Keep it up Stephen.
 
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
Butter you did that than let them get sicker.
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
That's much better than crumbly. 馃槈
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
 
 
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Is your Oreo cookie Satanic?
 
 
In reply to @StephenKing
even incredible writers have dad jokes it seems 馃槀
 
In reply to @StephenKing
 
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