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Analysed 200 tweets, tweets from the last 98 weeks.
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Last 50 tweets from @PFTompkins
In reply to @JeffLoveness
If you make Jared Harris laugh, the punishment is death.
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
Definitely gonna get my brain drilled by the guy whose plan to save the cave kids was “cram them in a Pringles tube”
 
NEW YORK: SponTourCo happens on Sunday July 21st at The Bell House in Gowanus. Two shows, 7 & 10pm.

Who knows when it will be visible to the human eye again? Get your tickets.

7pm bit.ly/STC72119early
10pm bit.ly/STC72119late pic.twitter.com/CsgVAQCGZu
Replying to @PFTompkins
UPDATE: The early SponTourCo show is SOLD OUT. Come to that late show, Brooklyn! A 10pm Sunday show? LIVE A LITTLE! Tickets: bit.ly/STC72119late
SPONTOURCO
eventbrite.com
 
F YOUR I, MIKE IS TALKING ABOUT BAJILLION DOLLAR PROPERTIE$ ON @PLUTOTV
In reply to @HoboInTheCorner
Season 4 premieres on August 5th. 🥳
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
This weekend of delight is fast approaching! Don't be steeped in regret for missing our SponTourCo shows in Brooklyn! Sunday July 21st @BellHouseNY in Gowanus. Two shows, 7 & 10pm. Right? RIGHT!

7pm bit.ly/STC72119early
10pm bit.ly/STC72119late
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
In reply to @BenBlacker
Hey! Did you hear that @BajillionTV is coming to @PlutoTV! This is your chance to watch the whole damned series! It's so funny. deadline.com/2019/07/bajill…
 
On my first day substitute teaching in a second grade classroom, the first kid to walk in impulsively hugged me and then every single other kid warily hugged me like they thought it was my rule.
Replying to @girlwithatail
I would use a time machine to witness this and for nothing else
 
Finally Robert DeNiro is being recognized for his cold reading abilities
Saturday Night Live gets nominations for six guest comedy actors/actresses:
Adam Sandler (host)
John Mulaney (host)
Matt Damon (host)
Emma Thompson (host)
Sandra Oh (host)
Robert De Niro (as Robert Mueller)
 
NEW YORK: SponTourCo happens on Sunday July 21st at The Bell House in Gowanus. Two shows, 7 & 10pm.

Who knows when it will be visible to the human eye again? Get your tickets.

7pm bit.ly/STC72119early
10pm bit.ly/STC72119late
 
PHILADELPHIA! These tickets are almost gone! Don’t end up a deathbed idiot!

FRIDAY JULY 19th 9:30pm
Tickets: bit.ly/SEFCWTP19
 
Maddie’s One-Woman Balcony Makeover pic.twitter.com/ohR0Km6LX3
 
 
In reply to @yayforzig
Imagine not being able to tell the difference between a black king & a rey Mexicano. The amount of shame it'd bring to your xannax addled Fox & Friends watching family. Absolutely crushing.
Replying to @yayforzig
Maybe this is how they feel they can say “I’m not racist,” like “I yell ‘I hate blacks’ at Mexicans! How is that racist?”
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
The only public figure that basically everyone admits is really demonstrably both racist and A Racist is Donald Sterling. An amazing capstone to a remarkable public life.
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
New working theory: Shapiro doesn't know porn exists.
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
hard to imagine I’ll ever own the hat of a better society
Replying to @MilesKlee
Indeed, as..... ..... there IS no better society.
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
This is too many bats even for me.
 
Maybe all the problems were having now are due to going this long without a Fantastic Four movie. We used to make new ones every 4-6 months, completely different casts and everything. Things felt a lot more stable.
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
The founding fathers didn’t create ICE in 2003 for you to simply abolish it
 
In reply to @themattmcd
Thank you, Matt!!
Replying to @inmybunk @themattmcd and 2 others
Thank you, Matt!!!!!!
 
the turtle and tortoise respecter has logged on pic.twitter.com/o2pQsmf6Mj
Replying to @MilesKlee
Won’t lie, I’m jealous
 
This guy is out of his mind. Watch for the squirrel at the end pretending not to know him.
 
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
called my parents yesterday extremely concerned about the hurricane & asked them to take the cats & go up north for the weekend. they assured me they were fine and that no matter what they’d take care of my cats. I got this txt today(yes that’s hose water and no im not amused😂)
 
 
🎶 I KNOW, I KNOW, IT’S SERIOOOOUS 🎶
Here’s a baby Ghost crab pic.twitter.com/b8Yvgz9asU
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
that spiderman movie was great. ACTION PACKED
Possibly sensitive media. Public access unavailable.
 
you have no idea if jellyfish are like candy to sea turtles. could be "like deviled eggs" could be "like peanuts" could even be "like chicken nuggets"... why specify...
Replying to @BrotiGupta
I think they mean how the turtle eats them is like eating candy. Like when you eat candy and you’re floating and the candy floats near you and you chomp on it and you’re a turtle.
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
 
In reply to @themattmcd
This was such a good move by PlutoTV
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
It's ALIVE!!! BAJILLION DOLLAR PROPERTIE$ is BACK for Season 4 and will be coming to its new home at @PlutoTV! The series was created and executive produced by @Kulap Vilaysack. deadline.com/2019/07/bajill…
Bajillion Dollar Propertie$ Lands At Pluto TV, Sets Season 4 Premiere Date
deadline.com
 
 
Replying to @yayforzig
If this had been ANYBODY else I would have been offended
 
A friend of mine had gotten some awful news but whenever he told a friend about it, it turned out something terrible had happened to them too; a bad diagnosis, a lost job, a divorce. So he told his therapist about all this and the therapist said, "My house burned down."
Replying to @sannewman
No offense but your friend sounds like the kss of death?
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
HOLLYWOOD: GIVE @PFTompkins A SHOW ABOUT ANIMALS ALREADY, YOU ANIMALS!
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
Seasons 1-3 available for free for the first time anywhere and the never-before-seen Season 4 premiering August 5th! @PlutoTV #BajillionOnPluto
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
It's finally happening! BAJILLION DOLLAR PROPERTIE$ is on @PlutoTV. Watch it at 7pm ET/PT M-F on Funny AF: pluto.tv/live-tv/funny-… @PFTompkins @Kulap
GIF
 
TONIGHT on Pluto TV!

Watch on @PlutoTV for free: the hilarious 1st season of Bajillion Dollar Propertie$!

7 ET/PT on Funny AF (CH 423)

EXCITING

pluto.tv/live-tv/funny-…
 
TONIGHT on Pluto TV!

Watch on @PlutoTV for free: the hilarious 1st season of Bajillion Dollar Propertie$!

7 ET/PT on Funny AF (CH 423)

EXCITING

pluto.tv/live-tv/funny-…
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
Curious Paul, you rocking Sperrys?
 
The evidence is in and we have to admit there is a weird subspecies of stupid people who aren’t as afraid of bears as they should be and then put them on a floating balloon barge and send it high in the skyyyyyyyyyy
BACK OFF: This mother bear gave quite a scare to a man who got too close to her cubs at Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Tennessee.

Signs posted in the area warn visitors to stay 50 yards away from the animals. 2wsb.tv/2lwuwpL pic.twitter.com/9PRDYiWy6N
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
In reply to @morninggloria
I will not stand by and let my country be taken over by the corniest motherfuckers alive
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
the thesaurus getting ready to supply pundits with synonyms after something racist happens
 
I...don't think that's the thing people are reacting to. pic.twitter.com/5KC7yCO50T
Replying to @DaveHolmes
I hate how he talks to me directly! I wish he would engrave his racist stuff on the back of the penny!
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
You're standing on his paw
Replying to @mokrastiniert
I am balancing on the ball of my foot and his paw is safely underneath my shoe. I have never AND WOULD NEVER step on my best friend’s foot.
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
You have a dog and it isn't named Mr Peanutbutter?
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
you are dressed like an extra in a bartles and jaymes commercial. not a criticism, just an observation.
Replying to @Styles_McCool
You tweet like someone who has no sense of fashion and is intimidated by people who do. Just an observation!
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
Well, Tugboat was back at work today. pic.twitter.com/T1kuubUluV
Replying to @PFTompkins
Tugboat felt bad that we didn’t see each other on Friday so he gave me some socks that he wanted to make sure that I absolutely wanted and I passed his test. I love you, Tugboat. You are my best friend and I am yours. Pics: @shanecdotes16 & @ReneeColvert
 
In reply to @PFTompkins
Wow. I never thought my best friend would “bigtime” me, but a picture is worth a thousand words twitter.com/reneecolvert/s…
Replying to @PFTompkins
Well, Tugboat was back at work today.
 
Paul F. Tompkins Retweeted ·  
This image is part of my inkjet printer's built-in print test and I genuinely find it very moving
Possibly sensitive media. Public access unavailable.
 
 
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