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Analysed 18,389 tweets, tweets from the last 160 weeks.
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Last 50 tweets from @TheOnion
Town Council Votes To Rename Statue Of Robert E. Lee topical.lnk.to/Ep127
 
Hunger Strike Saving Prison 62 Cents Per Inmate bit.ly/31cJoL3
 
Man’s Ironclad Grasp Of Issue Can Withstand 2 Follow-Up Questions bit.ly/2D7uHRE
 
Friends Camping Out In Woods Just Happy To Escape The Daily Grind Of Federal Prison bit.ly/2NLtxwK
 
Teenage Boy Fears Girlfriend Will Pressure Him Into Showering Before He Ready bit.ly/3hYZVZJ
 
God Sends Sympathy Card After Killing Man’s Wife bit.ly/33jWady
 
CEO Likes To Think Of Company As One Big Manson Family bit.ly/3jX6qhw
 
Water Boiler’s Paradise: Nothing but water-boiling tips and tricks for those who just can’t get enough scalding-hot aqua! bit.ly/2XeF5xJ
Best Recipe Blogs
entertainment.theonion.com
 
Economist Has Great Idea For Sitcom Where Keynesian And Friedmanite Have To Live Together bit.ly/3hYgSn9
 
New Environmentally Friendly Burial Involves Having Your Dead Body Eaten By Wealthy German Man With Taste For The Exotic bit.ly/2Xjw1aC
 
Employee Leaves Performance Review With Clear, Identifiable Goal Of Surrendering To The Void bit.ly/2PcjNwc
 
Russian Bathhouse Guest Having Trouble Relaxing Over Sound Of Eastern-European Gangsters Planning Assassinations bit.ly/3gkQsM2
 
Pros And Cons Of D.C. Statehood bit.ly/3gnmGX8
 
Officials Warn Defunding Police Could Lead To Spike In Crime From Ex-Officers With No Outlet For Violence bit.ly/3k0OcMe
 
Realtor Thinks Flourishing Neighborhood Full Of Middle-Class Latino Families Has Real Turnaround Potential bit.ly/319lGiL
 
MLS Commissioner Relieved That Nobody Knows Him By Name bit.ly/31d1QmG
 
Study Finds Gap Widening Between Rich Pets And Poor Americans bit.ly/2EFLFXE
 
For more world-renowned reportage, visit theonion.com.
 
Federal Troops Tear-Gas Yankees Off Field So Trump Can Throw Out First Pitch bit.ly/2DiGuMx
 
New Jayson Tatum Free Throw Ritual Involves Blinking ‘Help Us’ In Morse Code bit.ly/2PeYIkQ
 
With a bankrupt country imploding all around him, Greek star Giannis Antetokounmpo should feel more at home and comfortable than ever. bit.ly/310onmI
 
Garth Brooks Withdraws Self From Top Country Music Association Award bit.ly/3gls4dk #WhatDoYouThink?
 
Who doesn't want to wear a newspaper on their chest? bit.ly/3k3dCce
 
Authorities Abandon Search For Missing Girl After Finding Huge Bass While Dredging Lake topical.lnk.to/Ep126 pic.twitter.com/MHU9IA74M6
Replying to @TheOnion
Today on The Topical:
 
Voting Rights Lawsuits That Could Affect The 2020 Election bit.ly/30h6AZt
 
Barack Obama Storms Out Of Michelle Obama Podcast Interview After Questions About Administration’s Drone Use bit.ly/30g7Lbj
 
‘What, You Told Me To Get Rid Of It,’ Shouts Dad As Entire Family Cries Watching Him Bludgeon Possum With Shovel bit.ly/2CWWgNr
 
The Magic have a huge psychological advantage getting to sleep at home in Epcot Center. bit.ly/33c3SWP
 
Hacky Pop-Up Book’s Narrative Tension Pretty Dependent On Lifting Colored Flaps bit.ly/2DrRHu4
 
Highlights From The First Week Of MLB Play bit.ly/3hSbQbR
 
Federal Agents Drive 3 Hours Away From Portland Before Realizing Abducted Protester Still In Backseat bit.ly/2BLAU4S
 
Authorities Abandon Search For Missing Girl After Finding Huge Bass While Dredging Lake topical.lnk.to/Ep126
 
Real-Life ‘Nintendogs’? This Furry 4-Legged Creature Loves To Snuggle And Play bit.ly/2Pbz0xJ
 
Patient Rushed Into Unnecessary Surgery To Save Cash-Strapped Hospital bit.ly/314r3zN
 
New Blood Test Could Diagnose Alzheimer’s In Dementia Patients bit.ly/3hYdnNp #WhatDoYouThink?
 
Ellen: ‘I Never Intended To Make Staff Feel Unsafe By Wearing A Bloodied Ram Skull And Stalking Them With A Hatchet’ bit.ly/2Eqo5Oj pic.twitter.com/xm0PImVDkp
Replying to @TheOnion
“If anyone ever felt hurt when I threw them up against a wall, held the blade to their neck, and screamed, ‘I will fucking kill you,’ I’m sorry.”
 
Construction Union Seeks To Reduce Incidence Of Accidents Involving Babies Crawling On Steel I-Beams bit.ly/3jW4R3v
 
Historians Say It Still A Mystery How People In Ancient Times Didn’t Just Go Crazy And Kill Themselves bit.ly/39EEFFU
 
With LeBron James, Anthony Davis, and dozens of referees who have been paid off by the league, the Lakers are strong favorites. bit.ly/310onmI
 
Visit theonion.com to see more from the standard bearer of global journalism.
 
All the merch in the Onion Store will be considered rare collectibles by the year 2067, so get started building your collection today. bit.ly/3gscDjD
 
OSHA Warns Coronavirus Leading To Increased Incidents Of Americans Burning Themselves On Toaster Oven Making Lunch During Conference Calls topical.lnk.to/Ep125
 
New Orleans Pelicans: Look, they probably won't win but photos of Zion increase click traffic by 45%. bit.ly/338DjC0
 
Mattel Unveils Barbie 2020 Campaign Team Dolls bit.ly/3hT32mc #WhatDoYouThink?
 
Biden Campaign Whittles VP Shortlist Down To Either Woman Or Man With Long Hair bit.ly/2EC1Hll
 
Top Contenders For The 2020 NBA Season Restart bit.ly/310onmI
 
Jimmy Carter Added To Mount Rushmore After Becoming 5th Former President To Bowl Perfect 300 topical.lnk.to/Ep125 pic.twitter.com/XFwVqEZD0I
 
Ravens Fan Can’t Believe Ray Lewis Charging $300 On Cameo Just To Stab People bit.ly/3hW5bNX
 
From The Archives: Commentary by Barack Obama bit.ly/30dJgvy
 
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole bit.ly/3feW5dk
 
 
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