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Analysed 4,766 tweets, tweets from the last 607 weeks.
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Last 50 tweets from @ConanOBrien
Audiobooks are a great way to absorb 1/3 of a book.
 
Didn't realize "bottomless" mimosas referred to the drink and not the dress code, my apologies to everyone in this airport.
 
I don’t want to make Machine Gun Kelly jealous, but the first time I met Megan Fox, she said “I smell panic.”
 
Spoke with a dermatologist from my hometown. Hear me try to secure an appointment @ apple.co/TeamCoco
 
Haven’t watched “Scenes From a Marriage” yet, but my wife loves it and keeps shouting “nailed it!” at the TV.
 
Pizza is like sex: I walked in on my parents having it once.
 
Good news out of Washington- I don’t have to Google “what is the debt ceiling” again for 5 weeks.
 
Jake Gyllenhaal stared into my soul and I saw horror in his eyes. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
How bored am I? I know all the characters in the Progressive cinematic universe.
 
Sad to think in a few weeks this Spirit Halloween store will be a different Spirit Halloween store.
 
When I track packages I ordered, I don’t use the number. I use footprints, broken leaves, and the smell of blood.
 
This week, a fan helped me workshop my obituary. @NYTObits, take note. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
Squid Game is a lot like growing up with 5 siblings, except the winner got to pick what was on TV that night.
 
This Facebook/Instagram fiasco is why I always keep five Earthlink CDs on my person at all times.
 
Finally confronted @AndersonCooper about why he never contacts me when he's visiting L.A. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
I'm worried I offended my Uber driver because he didn't offer me any cryptocurrency tips.
 
I've reached a point in my life where I'm ready to start talking about starting meditation in 5 years.
 
Even the woodpeckers in L.A. love modern architecture:
 
I love it when a fan starts off the podcast by calling me "Lord O'Brien." apple.co/TeamCoco
 
Listen, if you don't want to know how to cleanly dismember a body, then don't ask what I'd do for a Klondike bar.
 
A G7 summit without Angela Merkel? Stop the world, I want to get off.
 
Come to hear my conversation with @TiffanyHaddish, stay to hear her coach me to be a phone sex operator. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
I just learned that Tom Hiddleston initially auditioned to be Thor not Loki and that sounds exactly like something Loki would do.
 
I heard aliens were about to officially reveal themselves to Earthlings but the whole Jeopardy mess really turned them off.
 
Enjoyed talking to @AndyRichter and @AnyLaurie16 about a fan-favorite sketch, "Puppy Conan." #BehindTheNonsense youtu.be/1ZkS8jkEVM4
 
Very glad to know that my fan Rose is out there kicking ass, killing bugs, and gliding through the roller derby of life. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
The new James Bond movie is just Daniel Craig frantically running errands saying, "Sorry, I would die, but I simply don't have the time!"
 
It's pretty cool that within weeks we'll be seeing all those Met Gala outfits at our local Goodwills.
 
Time spent with @MelissaMcCarthy is time VERY well spent. Check out our gabfest. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
I felt a strong need to talk about Norm today and I was lucky that two good friends from my show joined me to share stories about what made this brilliant and complicated guy so unique. apple.co/TeamCoco
Conan OBrien Needs A Friend on Apple Podcasts
podcasts.apple.com
 
I am absolutely devastated about Norm Macdonald. Norm had the most unique comedic voice I have ever encountered and he was so relentlessly and uncompromisingly funny. I will never laugh that hard again. I'm so sad for all of us today.
 
Loved chatting with the person behind some of your favorite #ParksAndRec episodes, @AlanYang. His new podcast #ParksAndRecollection (co-hosted by @RobLowe) drops tomorrow. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
The only thing grosser than a Human Centipede is a Centipede Human, which is hundreds of centipedes sewn together to look like a guy.
 
I’m a real work horse, meaning I constantly need someone to feed me a carrot while they stroke my hair.
 
The only way to get out of the Matrix is using a landline, so who’s the boomer now???
 
My fan Kyle is a killer opera singer, but it’s only a matter of time before I ruin his career. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
When I wear a mask on a plane I get special treatment because everyone thinks I’m Jane Lynch.
 
Our only hope is that COVID gets tired of winning.
 
I was supposed to interview @KristenSchaaled in this episode, but she ended up interviewing me. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
If you think Miss Frizzle didn't use that Magic School Bus to get real small and travel up people's buttholes, think again.
 
The “Nirvana Baby” lawsuit has inspired me to seek millions from my parents for this picture:
 
Right now the only safe place to buy real estate is on that garbage island in the Pacific.
 
This week, I learned that enjoying my comedy is a red flag in the dating world. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
I’m confused on where the “Theranos Trial” fits in the Marvel Universe.
 
One of the coolest things about my new show being on HBO Max is that it'll probably be released in theaters and on TV the exact same day.
 
 
Pick up something I just dropped, or step over it for three days first?
 
I’ve been watching “F-boy Island” and I still can’t tell which one is the French Boy.
 
Great—my horse has worms and the pharmacy is out of everything except COVID vaccines.
 
I was horrified to learn that my podcast pairs well with performing an autopsy. apple.co/TeamCoco
 
 
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