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Analysed 200 tweets, tweets from the last 142 weeks.
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Last 50 tweets from @lisa_curry
A$AP CURRY Retweeted ·  
TONIGHT! Come out LA, we have one of the best shows in town. 💀🎃👻
 
Spoiler: I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing
 
Replying to @AmySilverberg
I already own enough turquoise jewelry for an easy transition into this lifestyle.
 
In reply to @AmySilverberg
WHERE R MY JONI MITCHELL HEADS
Replying to @AmySilverberg
I want to live a barefoot existence in Laurel Canyon entirely because of Joni.
 
A$AP CURRY Retweeted ·  
Every mother and father in America should watch video. Play it all the way to end. Know that this is the re-election message of your President.

And then ask yourself - how you sit your kids down and tell them you want this person to lead us. youtu.be/Nr2X4ty1ZVU
Trump Kills Fake News (Church of Fake News)
youtube.com
 
 
I had to stop watching schitts creek after 3 seasons cuz Eugene levy’s son is so fucking hot it hurt my ass and brain.
Replying to @MarieColette
It’s extremely upsetting!
 
 
 
Shoutout to @topsecretcomedy for having me on killer Sold Out shows all weekend! London has great crowds! 2 more shows in England this week then this tiny dad bod comes home to NYC! pic.twitter.com/14hHWQG93N
 
I got my boating license when I was 9. After school I’d take my friends for rides in our speed boat and I’d jerk the wheel back and forth to scare everyone to the point of tears. 10/10 would recommend
what’s a story from your early childhood that perfectly encapsulates how you are now? I’ll start. When I was 3 my family was kicked out of a museum after I touched The Starry Night painting (yes that one)
 
For Christ sake let this man host SNL
My dad turns 70 in June, and that will mark 45 straight years of him watching every. Single. Ever. Episode of @nbcsnl. All 818 episodes. My dream is to get him in the audience but it seems impossible? Look how tender he is visiting me at work yesterday. How do I do this? pic.twitter.com/Lv0SQjKRK8
 
 
I wanna go to a fun wedding. Who’s getting married?
Replying to @itsmejillkimmel
I’m in a circus themed wedding on an estate in North Carolina in a couple weeks!
 
 
Getting my $26 (with tip) haircut.
 
Just got a $26 haircut. Including tip!
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
Lisa: Oh my food order is delayed? That means I can legally take everything on this table. *puts 3 rollups, a mason jar vase and a salt/pepper set in her bag”
I don’t even have to be wronged first! I’ll walk right into a place and take a painting off the wall. Only criteria is A. Is is funny? 2. Do I want it? D. Does my friend want it?
 
In reply to @Meg_D_ItsMe
Merchandise is always a no. As are deeply personal items. Everything else is free.
 
A$AP CURRY Retweeted ·  
Just watched @lisa_curry scrub a sink with a used dryer sheet while explaining why she hates to be wasteful. I’m so glad she finally has a high paying job because she is way too good at being poor.
 
A$AP CURRY Retweeted ·  
 
GUYS! I’m hosting a new podcast for @TeamCoco on Stitcher Premium. We listen to five standup sets from a year of Conan, and chat about them. Episode 1 is from 1993, the 1st season of Late Nite w Conan O’Brien. promo code CONAN for a free trial. stitcherpremium.com/conan
 
A good reason to never check your phone during a podcast recording is sometimes your sister will text you, “Do you think if you weren’t molested you’d still be queer?”
Replying to @BigHern
Wait so what’s your answer
 
 
A$AP CURRY Retweeted ·  
"Oh well, I’m President!"
 
I’m the only person in LA who knows how to drive
 
I know it’s just a pre season game but it breaks my sweet lil heart to see empty floor seats at games.
Replying to @PaymanBenz
I had tickets but then got too much work to go. I’m very bummed!
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
This was from my comedy special "Senior Class of Earth" released last year. You can watch it free on youtube.
 
[to the tune of Party All the Time]

🎶My girl is so horny all the time, horny all the time, horny all the tiiiiime🎶
Replying to @lisa_curry
This should've bumped me to 10k followers. smh
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
And true to form, you’re not even doing THAT well.
Replying to @nicoleaimee
I will smother you in your sleep and your family won’t suspect a thing. They’ll think you ran out of breath complaining.
 
[to the tune of Party All the Time]

🎶My girl is so horny all the time, horny all the time, horny all the tiiiiime🎶
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
i feel like you're horny. still funny though!
 
[to the tune of Party All the Time]

🎶My girl is so horny all the time, horny all the time, horny all the tiiiiime🎶
 
One of the best working today.
Replying to @jackiekashian
I want to know who’s filming all these sets
 
In reply to @AlisonLeiby
That is an A+ business idea. I would like to be your angel investor.
Replying to @rachelmaceiras @AlisonLeiby and 1 otherfalse
Ok so far we’ve got food trucks that are also lyfts. Let’s throw in a first aid kid and make them functional ambulances as well.
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
We should add a streamline step, I agree.
Replying to @johnlevenstein
Maybe even add two or three steps. Just to reach peak efficiency.
 
In reply to @johnlevenstein
I’m hoping we can place the orders at the food trucks but pick them up somewhere else in the parking lot, maybe from different trucks.
Replying to @johnlevenstein
Why can’t the trucks just drop people off at terminals? Let’s streamline this.
 
I'm just here to be mean to my friends
 
Ok real talk: If @heytherejeffro and I did a podcast about Are You Afraid of the Dark, would y’all listen?
 
Tonight I found out the most LA thing imaginable, which is that Crispin Glover Airbnbs his place for an extremely reasonable price
 
Just saw Joker. Would’ve felt a lot more grounded if he’d gone on a killing spree moments after manically typing “just checking in on this!!!” in an email.
 
The secret to my writing process? I don’t just write like my parents are dead. I write like everyone I’ve ever loved has been massacred!
 
Getting my taxes done tonight. Now that’s what I call Hump Day!
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
Oh hey guys! Or you could just come over and hang out with me and my Guns N’ Roses machine?? Like, I just really don’t wanna replace my lock again, ya know?!
 
In reply to @Dave_Horwitz
update: I have downloaded an app that maps all the operational pinball machines in the area and it is VERY well maintained
has one in her house. I'm down to break in with you.
 
Should the president be impeached or just stuffed into a wood chipper?
 
Ok, Emily but can we really be sure Gondelman hasn’t committed war crimes? He did just come off of a long hiatus.
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
Going on a date with someone called Brandon, this one’s on you mate.
Replying to @danmuggleton
Wait 'til you hear the stories about this one named Trevor...
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
😂men ain't shiiiiiit
Replying to @craydrienne
I never replied, and a year and a half later, he left me a long voicemail, “offering” to collaborate on some sketches to “help me”
 
In reply to @lisa_curry
At first I thought he meant to say ‘a.m. open mic’ and I was like damn that’s actually pretty slick
Replying to @joestarr187
Haha nah, he was just blitzed at 6am
 
 
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